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Photo: Anuj Gosalia

I know it's only a few months, weeks maybe.

But they don't.

They see me.

They decide.

They judge.

They think.

They know.

That I am not nature's wonder. With velvet greens and blossoms of crimson.

I am not a great writing spot... so serene and inviting!

I am not their rendezvous place where they can whisper sweet-nothings they learnt from 'Rahul' or 'Raj'?

Not even a passer-by's consideration for a little rest!

What did I expect!?

I am barren. I am dry.

No utility. No beauty either.

They know that.

They know I am no good.

They know I am not a 'tree' tree maybe!

That it is ok, now, to bring me down.

I know it's just autumn.

But they don't.

I know that it is only a god-damned season!

I know I'll still have my being, my reason, my character.

But they don't.

They only know what they see...

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

Lone star,

For it, shining is

But shining.

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

Give me some sunshine on my road,
Give me those dancing rays.
The bright and shining journeys,
The peaceful rest of glaze.
Don't bother about supposed needs,
Just give me those good old ways!

Give me some tall woods by my road,
Give me that musky smell.
The long and winding pathways,
Their countless tales to tell.
Don't bother about the lost dangers,
Just give me Nature in all her swell!

Give me the pleasure of the plight,
All of travel's delight.
Give me the rain and the rock,
All the reason to mock.

Don't bother with any other way showed.
Just give me my fuckin' own road!

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

19th February, 1992

We finished the song today. It is delightful. The most cherished music to have ever been played on the darned guitar of mine. Every note brings a piece of him to me. Everytime I sing our song, I long for him... and I remember how his deep voice filled my room, filled my heart... I remember the sweet warmth of the air around him. And I remember the moments we spent.. making music.. making memories.. making love... Each moment was a lifetime. Like a song. Like the lyrics we were pretending to write. Every word came alive between the two of us.

Maybe, it was not meant. But it was meant to be. Naturally, our hands found each other. And it was not the mere holding of hands that connected us. I don't want to think so... Maybe something was happening.. something was changing.. something was growing in these moments.

Few moments. Two people. One song. Many stories.
If love could be seen.. heard... written.. this was it!
It was. But it is no longer.
A passion so strong deserves little time.... for a moment is all that it takes... isn't it?
It cannot last a life time... for the moment is it.
A song like this can be written only once... written, played, sung....
And I wrote mine... for him...
Now.. he is gone with it... to sing my song to her..
Now.. our song will create them...

And now... now what? What am I to do of my dark wooden treasure... of all the words that come running to me...of the music in my soul... of the 22 years gone by in its pursuit... my dream...my meaning...


I've written my lines, I've sung my song...
The music of the moment didn't seem wrong...
But reality has broken into a different dawn...
Now...what am I to do...
For, there is no music without love,
No me without you..

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

When I was young, I made a lot of mischief.
Dropped the jars and ran away,
Lost valuables trying to play.
When mom asked, I sat up stiff.
Didn't look nervous, not a bit.
"But ma, I didn't do it!"

I was naked when I lied.

I don't think I tried.

To pass the buck away from me.

I knew what I had done.

But I hid behind none.

'Twas an innocent escape you see.

When I see you, you do the same,

Dropped duties and ran away.

Lost lives trying to play.

But yours is a different game.

Don't feel guilty, not a bit.

Of course! You're not responsible for it.

You wear masks as you lie.

And it's nothing else you try.

But to pass the buck away from you.

You ignore what you have done.

Always on the run.

Away from the needed things to do.

You're also naked you see.

Just a little different from me.

I am naked on the whole.

You... only in your soul...

Follow the rhythm of the whole.
Ignite the music of your soul.
Gracefully bend before you can break.
Hold your entire being at stake.
That is about all it will take.

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

An outstretched expanse of the 'happy' blue,
Spread wide across, embracing you.
Jaunty, floating cotton marshmallows,
Drizzling a wet breeze on yon fellows.
A long rift of grey chiseled stone,
Sculpted into one edifice alone.
Amidst the giant you can sight,
Frozen rivers of a milky white.
Tenderly lush and fresh with dew,
Green stalks of the greenest hue.
A rippled mirror never-ending,
Sheltering lights playfully bending.
If you wish to find the place where I live,
I've got none other direction to give.
When you find in one eye-span all that I said,
You'll see my home of the brightest red...

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

I am Watching.
Just Watching.

Slowly enticing. Hypnotizing.
Find that surprising!
I am just watching.

Soon or Late.
I have no end. I am the end.
I am Watching.
You twist before you bend.
Now or Then.
I have no start. I am the start.
I am Watching.
You mind your heart.

Getting addictive. Un-descriptive.
Find that fictive!
I am just Watching.

You cannot fight. I am not the Light.
You cannot fight. I am no delight.

You cannot see. I am not to be.
You cannot see. I am no mystery.

I am so much. I cannot show.
I am so little. You cannot know.
When I Attack.
For, I am Black.

And I am Watching.
Just Watching!

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

When to hold. When to fold.
It's not the dealer's decision.
When to go. When to slow.
It's not a sign-board direction.
How can a simple bend in the road
Tell you when you're done?
When, on this pleasure trip, in fact
It's U-Turn when 'You'- Turn!

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

All those daring years of relentless strife,
That perfect score, to which I gave my life.
The keen interest to reach that finesse,
All those mornings of tireless practice.
Each moment lived in the spirit of the game.
Those invisible years before the fame.

The chants of a glory self-made,
Deafen...
To loud cheers of a shot well-played.
The thunderous, everlasting applaud,
Lessens...
To welcome a brand new record.

I'm but a spectator in the crowd,
As I watch with a reluctant frown,
The sun set upon my playing ground...

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

I don't have to check my clothes,

Nor set my hair right.

There's no need to stretch a bit,

Or pull my stomach in tight.

Fix and mend so many things,

I don't know why I should.

Isn't it true you're shooting me

Because already I am good?

I don't have to stretch my muscles,

When you tell me to 'Say Cheese!'

I will not stand and sit and look and tilt,

And ask you to 'Wait Please!'

Smile and laugh and all of that,

I don't know why I should.

I feel so happy you're shooting me

Because already I am good!

I already am - what your camera wants to see.

The pure soul you want to be.

I already am - what your photo wants to show.

The happy secret you want to know.

What you're trying to capture in your 'lovely snap'...

That my friend, I already am!

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

There are streets - unending, winding, endearing.
There are streets - that you and I don't know,
Where our dreamed ones never go.
There are streets that are nameless...

There are homes - flavoured, round, cosy.
There are homes- whose directions we can't give,
Where our dreamed ones never live.
There are homes that are 'guard'less...

There are people - smiling, chatting, working.
There are people- that you and I don't greet,
Whom our dreamed ones never meet.
There are people who are thoughtless...

There are nameless streets that reach destinations,
There are 'guard'less homes that give shelter,
There are thoughtless people that live a life,
While, for our dreamed ones we strive...

Photo:Anuj Gosalia

Sunset on the Sea.
Sunset by the Steel.
White sophistication;
And over priced coffee.

Maybe my cheque includes the
Elevated view of the sinking red power.
All that Futility.
Maybe my cheque includes the
Calm ambience for the orange glory.
All that Prosperity.
Maybe my cheque includes the
Extravagant expression of pink passions.
All that Sincerity.

Sunset on the Sea.
Sunset by the Steel.
White explanation;
For over priced coffee.

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

It takes the difficult distance of the mountain peaks,

It takes cold nights and times so bleak;

Fire blossoms not here and now.

It takes white spells before absence speaks.

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

All the splendour of the Princess' whims,
Reflecting in still Serenity.
Night-time's resplendent, black beauty,
Encircling a white, feathered Rhapsody.
And it's not a fantasy;
What's just our fantasy...

Photo: Anuj Gosalia

I stand. On strong steed;
Our Hearts Rejoice. Heads Bleed.
My Duty. And my Carrier's Plight;
I stand. To salute the Night.

I smile at the clouded streaks.
My animal moves not.
I stand. On strong steed;
Iron reigns rot.

I remain at Duty's Pledge.
My animal excites.
I stand. Gallops steed;
Clouds open into light!